How to be that "One Caring Adult": Part 1By Shanna Putnam-Dibble, Learner Advocate Building positive relationships with students is crucial, but how do we do that? Where do we start and how do we begin to repair relationships with students that are already strained? It is important to first understand that positive relationships, especially with students who are not quick to trust or who have challenging behaviors, take time and an abundance of positive interactions. Research from the Search Institute found that relationships share five critical aspects that help students thrive:
Try these Quick Tips for Building Positive Relationships:
Do you have a student that you are still struggling to connect with? Try the “2 by 10 Strategy” Spend 2 minutes each day having a positive conversation with a student (1:1) for ten days in a row. Let the student take the lead and talk about things he/she is interested in. Children and adolescents have a primary need for connections. See what connections you can build in just two minutes a day. By Shanna Putnam Dibble
Elementary Learner Advocate
55 Comments
Jenn DeLaRosa
11/21/2019 06:47:42 am
Great tips, Shanna. I appreciate the reminder to stop what you are doing and truly listen. I sometimes struggle with that. Thanks for all that you do!
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Dana Bockman
11/27/2019 06:36:14 am
We are incredibly busy and our minds are going a mile a minute everyday as educators. But, our relationships with our students is everything. Taking that time to truly listen and get to know students is so important. Thank you for reminding us!
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Ashley Knox
3/24/2020 08:42:18 am
Great Post! Its definitely a good reminder for everyone to slow down and take the time to ACTUALLY talk and listen to students. I especially liked the 2 by 10 strategy, bonds take time, so we need to make the time!
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Tonya Remick
3/24/2020 09:23:00 am
Relationships with students is very important to me. This is a great reminder to slow down and reach out. Making sure that you are making positive connections even with the most challenging students is just as important.
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Michael Himlie
3/24/2020 11:00:29 am
As a part time educator, & not by profession, I very much appreciated the “quick tips for building positive relationships” for interactions both in & out of the classroom setting. Also after reading the link through the ‘five critical aspects’ article of the Search Institute, it acknowledged that sharing of power (number 3) varies from relationship, culture, personality, community, etc. I thought of how we as caring educators can subconsciously share power with certain students over others based on how we see power displayed (either positively or negatively) in our daily lives, & how that can maintain power imbalance or be a positive challenge to it, & how we as educators create an environment of equity & diversity in the classroom for our future generation. Thank you, Shanna, for your writing.
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Diana Morrow
3/24/2020 12:33:08 pm
Working in the library and for short amounts of time, I try to connect with the kids first thing by saying “good morning and some other comment just to make them feel welcome. As they check their books out with me, I try to comment on their choice of books or ask a question about their interest in the subject they chose. There’s always a way to personally connect,
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Stephanie Radloff
3/25/2020 11:01:04 am
I love these quick tips for building relationships with our students. They are great reminders to stop and really listening and take that moment to give them your undivided attention. I've always felt that no matter what age if you give the person respect you will get it in return. I have found that to be mostly be true and try to always practice that to give them positivity even during the trying times when it may be the hardest.
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LORI PHILLIPS
3/25/2020 11:18:01 am
Thanks, Shanna, for summarizing one of the most important things I've learned along the way as a para: that positive relationships with students must exist (especially when working one-on-one) in order to expect the results we want academically. I very much appreciate those teachers I've worked with who understand the words of the quote at the end of this article. A teacher's positive relationship with students, attitude and response to difficult situations make everyone's job easier in the classroom.
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Pam Sullivan
3/25/2020 01:54:23 pm
100 % percent true. That first look in the morning, a smile, a hug, a high five with a happy voice greeting the kids, so important to do. I truly believe it sets the whole mood for the day. Works for adults also, I'd much rather greet someone with a smile and a happy attitude than someone frowning and grouchy.
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Laura Greve
3/25/2020 03:43:19 pm
Your article is a great reminder and I love the quote at the end. Being a preschool para I know how important forming a relationship with my students is.
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KIm
3/25/2020 06:09:10 pm
Great read. I believe its very important to have a positive and good relationship with your students.
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Susan Dugger
3/25/2020 06:49:44 pm
This article is an excellent reminder to all that everything we do has an impact on the students we spend our day with. Children are very aware of our body language, the tone of our voice, and how we interact with others. I love that I get to start each morning at West Side by waiting at the front door for my student to arrive. We have a chance to greet each other and start our day off on the right foot.
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Audrey Fadness
3/25/2020 08:24:55 pm
Establishing positive relationships with students is probably the most important thing I can do. They need to know they can trust you and look to you for guidance. Everything is so new for preschoolers and they really need genuine caring adults to encourage them everyday!
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Laura Evelsizer
3/26/2020 05:33:07 am
This article is a good reminder! Relationships with are students are essential. And there are some great tips on how to build those relationships. Getting down to their level and having brief conversation with students are some of my favorites. You sure can learn a lot in just a few minutes in Elementary. :)
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Brittany Theismann
3/26/2020 05:43:36 am
Thanks for the reminder Shana! Making relationships with everyone is so important, let the kids know your listening and engage in conversations with them! I couldn’t imagine not getting to know my littles, it’s so fun to get to know them and their personalities!
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Sue Sander
3/26/2020 06:49:11 am
Great reminders that we all need to practice not only with our students but with those we work with as well. Having a good working relationships with coworkers is a great way to lead by example. When students see positive interactions that we have with your peers it also helps them realize relationship development is for life long learning. Relationship developing will be especially important when we return this year as there will be many students who have been without contact other than through electronics. So having to actually talk to others maybe a challenge for some it may take a while to have those students feel comfortable speaking to you at the beginning. So we must practice patients and be aware as we will be anxious to get back to normal it may take some time for the students to warm up to us again.
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Cheryl Cline
3/26/2020 06:49:54 am
Great article, I like the reminder of how important it is to make a positive start to a child's morning by a warm greeting in the morning with a smile can really help start a child's day out right. At breakfast I greet each child in the morning and listen when they have a story to tell. This will help them realize we do really care about them as an individual. A positive start to the day can help make anyone's day!
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Jackie Harless
3/26/2020 07:06:35 am
I absolutely loved school growing up - and one of the main reasons was because of the many caring adults I encountered who encouraged me along the way! And now, that is the main blessing of my work - the many caring adults I have the privilege of working with everyday! Daily, I watch so many of you taking the time to interact with students kindly and lovingly, and its a great inspiration to me - especially on the "hard" days with my student/students. Thanks for a great article Shanna - love both of those quotes - in fact, I used to keep that last one taped inside my cabinet in my classroom! I have a quote hanging on my wall at home that has always helped me "
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Beth Wahlberg
3/26/2020 07:12:29 am
This is a great reminder that the way we interact with students on a daily basis matters. Being "pleasant, calm and supportive" is easy with most students, more challenging with some! I try really hard to "re-set" my interactions with kids so that I am not treating them with less kindness today because of something that happened yesterday. This is really hard sometimes. I am going to try the "2 by 10 strategy" when I find my patience with a particular student is less than it should be.
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Chloe Stalberger
3/26/2020 07:40:04 am
Gaining kids trust is so important when it comes to school work. I love the idea of face to face interactions or getting on their level. I think this shows them that we have respect for them and we value their thoughts. I think it is very important to guide kids through difficult assignments or subjects, and to show them that it is not only difficult for them but other students or adults as well. They are not in anything alone. Overall i think we need to show them how significant they are to us.
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Olivia Heier
3/26/2020 07:43:26 am
I agree that it is so important to take personal interest in students and build positive relationships with them. I like to arrive 15 minutes early every day and greet students with a smile as they get ready to start the day. I want to be approachable to all students wether they need help academically, emotionally, or just want to share a story. All students have positive qualities. When I talk with a student I try to highlight those qualities and build up their confidence!
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Kathryn
3/26/2020 07:44:11 am
I valued the concrete relationship-building strategies in this blog post. They remind us of the way our seemingly small words and actions contribute to the big goal of positive connections with children.
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vanessa
3/26/2020 07:50:05 am
talking to children at their eye level and using the childs name frequently and a smile are so beneficial to all children.
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DeAnn Leeps
3/26/2020 07:54:29 am
Thank you for this reminder. It is so important for us to stop and remember that we need to build positive relationship with our students. It is so powerful when they know that we care about them!
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3/26/2020 08:22:04 am
A wonderful article reminding one of why we are in the field of education. It's the students that we are here for. I also enjoyed reading the posts for others. Their thoughts are just as enlightening.
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Denise Solberg
3/26/2020 08:32:27 am
Thanks, Shanna, for the reminder that building relationships with students takes regular positive interactions, and those with challenging behaviors will need even more time. We are fortunate to have so many teachers that set a positive tone in the classroom by engaging in these relationship building tips!
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Dacia Schnuelle
3/26/2020 08:39:34 am
This article is a great reminder of how important it is to form those relationships with all of our students. They need to know that we care about them, and are there for them no matter what.
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Kenan Willey
3/26/2020 08:54:16 am
We all are more wiling to go the extra mile for a person that takes an interest in our life and kids are no different. I find it especially important to remind a student who may be exhibiting challenging behavior that while I may not appreciate their behavior, I still care about them as a person.
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Steve Nesteby
3/26/2020 08:56:55 am
This is something everyone needs to be reminded of. I have always felt that being positive and willing to have some fun with kids helps to gain their trust. Once you have their trust they are likely willing to listen and work for you. Show them you care!
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Melissa Hunter
3/26/2020 08:58:45 am
It is very important to have a good relationship with kids and to listen to them. I believe that showing students that you really care about them is so important. I love the Guide Tip of beginning each day or class with a positive connection (not a direction)
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Stephanie. Haugen
3/26/2020 09:14:09 am
Good read- When I greet each student that comes in for their medications I always greet them positively first- if we need to discuss their medications , then I do that, but I always send then into the halls with a positive good- bye or have a good day.
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Kris
3/26/2020 10:00:45 am
Thank you, Shanna. Building relationships with our students is vital and these are great reminders on how to make connections with students. I find it very important to give them your full attention and validate their feelings. I also like to have conversations with them so they know I'm interested and care.
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Nicolle Korsness
3/26/2020 10:12:26 am
Thank you for the great insight of why having a positive relationship with your students is not only beneficial to them, but to us as their paras as well. I gain valuable tools that I will be able to use.
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Connie Krueger
3/26/2020 10:33:55 am
Great article! I especially like the part on how important it is to start the day off positive. These kids really look up to us and we need to set a good example.
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Judy Kemp
3/26/2020 11:21:02 am
What a great reminder on how we can make a difference in a students life. Just a few minutes in a day to give a hug, ask how their day is going and listen to what they have to say. We all need to take the time to build positive experiences with our students and let them know we are there for them. Loves both of the quotes!!
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Maureen Hrdlicka
3/26/2020 11:30:46 am
Very helpful reminders, thank you for sharing Shanna. Relationships with our students do really matter. Being in the para role for so many years, I have found it necessary to have fun with the students, share in their giggles and laughter, mention funny things about myself, be their friend. Relationships with our students do matter!
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Connie
3/26/2020 11:53:43 am
Just a couple of weeks ago I experienced first hand the effects of positive reinforcement. I was working with a student that has the reputation of being difficult and after telling him what a good job he had done on a project it was like working with a different person.
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Linda Kirkeberg
3/28/2020 01:42:08 pm
It’s amazing what can happen when we offer positive feedback to a child’s work!
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Mary Winger
3/26/2020 12:50:18 pm
After first reading this blog last winter, it made me think about how I could also make better connections with the students that I didn't work with in classes but had to monitor at recess, the 8th graders "gone wild." I was often breaking up huddles of several male students wrestling against one student, concerned about safety or possibly bullying. The typical response was "we're friends, it's ok."
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Sue Lansing
3/26/2020 01:03:37 pm
This was a great read with many ideas for starting and maintaining relationships with students. Sometimes at the high school level it really does get difficult to get that feedback, but I have to agree that the way I start the day with them is the way the day goes. Even if they don't show it, I usually get the impression that they appreciate a friendly smile or a greeting when they come in the library.
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Robin
3/26/2020 02:21:10 pm
Being relationships is so important. Good advice. I spend my morning out on the steps of the building waiting for kids and I try to say good morning to very kid that walk by me.
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Paul Snell
3/26/2020 04:09:09 pm
I thought this post was very well written, and throughout reading this I caught myself saying, I already do this or that's a great idea. I personally really like the 2 for 10 idea. One aspect that I struggle with is when I start the day with a positive question with a student, and the student replies with a negative comment. I can only control myself and my actions. I have learned that I need to stay positive in that situation. If I give the student space and start a conversation later, it usually goes better.
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TAMMIE WILLFORD
3/26/2020 05:40:04 pm
This is all a great reminder for interacting with students as well as staff. Give respect - earn respect! I like how it states that if we share the power with the student they are more receptive of us and it gives them a chance to see what they are really capable of. I like the 2x10 Strategy, it give the student that time to talk about what matters to them and it helps gain their trust in us.
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Sharon Weselmann
3/26/2020 05:51:34 pm
Thanks for the well written blog. I agree that starting the day with a smile or friendly hello is the best way to start a day with students and staff. The 2 by 10 strategy is a interesting concept that I will continue to work on.
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Deb
3/27/2020 08:03:55 am
Every day is a new beginning. We need to make each student feel they are important and cared for every day. A friendly hello and smile will help start their day off positively and they will know they are cared for.
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Lynnette Borshiem
3/27/2020 08:05:52 am
When I ride the shuttle, I make it a point to say "have a good night" or "have a good weekend" as the kids are getting off the bus. I don't know, I could be the last positive thing some of those kids get in their day. I get a lot of smiles, hugs, and "see you tomorrow, Miss Lynnette!" It warms my heart knowing I have made those connections.
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Linda Kirkeberg
3/28/2020 01:37:21 pm
This was a very good read. Great reminder how our interactions with students can make or break their day.
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Jaclyn Zidlicky
3/28/2020 02:11:52 pm
Great read! I always try to walk in the door with a smile on my face even if I have a rough morning before I get there! I have that 5 mins alone, do some breathing, and start my day over before I walk into the doors with a smile on my face.
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Brooke
3/28/2020 03:44:00 pm
Starting each day as a new day is something I was taught when I first stared. And thats definitely something that stuck with me. If the end of the day carried on to the next morning, that day is likely going to be negative. This is a good reminder to find some way to be positive to start the day/each class period with a positive thought/breathing/smile or whatever it is you do.
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Michaela Seeman
3/30/2020 12:07:16 pm
What a great reminder to slow down and build up those personal relationships with students. The conversations are always more deep and meaningful when I stop what I'm doing and focus on the student.
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Pam Dundee
4/2/2020 01:40:58 pm
Well written blog. I agree that the first meeting of the morning
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Sarah Zbornik
4/6/2020 07:27:18 am
I had read this blog post earlier this year. It inspired me (as well as Rachelle Branum) to eat lunch with the students in the lunch room when possible. It has definitely made an impact on my relationships with the students. Thanks for the post, Shanna!
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Andrew Ellingsen
4/6/2020 08:02:20 am
These tips are so helpful -- I have noticed that when I can find a topic that a student likes to talk about with me when we're in the hall/at recess, their behavior often shows a marked improvement in the classroom. Relationships matter so much!
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Shannon Tieskoetter
5/8/2020 07:23:13 am
Thank you for sharing Shanna. Building a positive relationship with a student is essential for that child to feel welcome and comfortable at school.
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