How to be that "One Caring Adult": Part 2By Shanna Putnam Dibble, DCSD Elementary Learner Advocate The research on mental health for our youth and adolescence is staggering; In the United States, 22.2 percent of adolescence (age 13-18) have a mental disorder that severely impacts their lives. Between 1999 and 2016, Iowa’s suicide rate increased 36.2%. On average, in a high school classroom, there are four students with a specific suicide plan and two students who have made a suicide attempt in the past year (Youth Mental Health First Aid). This research is disturbing and probably hard to read, but there is always HOPE, and that hope often comes in the form of the dedicated, knowledgeable, caring, and supportive staff in our schools who are there for our students every day. The research behind resilience science shows that kids and adolescence who have close relationships with caring adults and have a sense of purpose and belonging are much more likely to overcome adversity than those who do not. Children who have strong attachments, especially to caring adults, have mastered emotional regulation, and feel competent have a great set of skills to help them overcome adversity. In their new book, Relationship, Responsibility, and Regulation: Trauma-Invested Practices for Fostering Resilient Learners, Pete Hall and Kristin Van Marter Souers propose going beyond the traditional three R’s of reading, ’riting and ’rithmetic to a new trauma-informed set of R’s: Relationships, Responsibility, and Regulation. “These overarching ideas shape the positive learning environments we are establishing,” say the authors. “They enhance the focus on the whole child. Student success — by whatever metric we use to define it — is going to be determined by the degree to which we can infuse these three components into the day-to-day operation of our classrooms, learning spaces, offices, and schools.” When educators foster safe, loving, and close relationships with students, kids are more open to learning. Relationships are the key to motivating them. When students become open to learning, a culture of accountability and self-regulation can occur. Hall and Van Marter Souers refer to the safe and welcoming learning environment as “the nest.” The idea of prioritizing safety and building a safe classroom nest isn’t new. “For those of us in education, this notion of “safety first” shouldn’t be surprising. More than 70 years ago, Abraham Maslow introduced his hierarchy of needs, which explained that beyond the basic physiological needs we have as human beings, safety is the essential external factor influencing our happiness, success, and very survival.” This includes your responses to students — including verbal replies and your body language. A subtle facial expression can signal to a student how you feel about them. Utilize these five tips on how to build trust and connect with students: · Remember to put your heart into your lesson plans. Try to focus just as much on getting to know and guiding your students as you do on teaching academic concepts. · At the beginning of the year or semester, discuss your and your students’ expectations as a class. Take time to teach, practice, and promote school wide expectations and classroom rules throughout the year. You can also hold individual meetings to help struggling students reach their goals. ·Studies suggest that storytelling can help build teacher-student relationships. Try telling personal anecdotes during class or making storytime and/or sharing a regular activity to connect with your students. · Learn how to construct positive comments by giving specific compliments (e.g. “good job” vs “your art project is so colorful”) and avoiding back-handed compliments. · Make sure you keep healthy boundaries with your students. If a student upsets or frustrates you, don’t take it personally or bring it home with you. It is NEVER too late to start building a positive relationship!
50 Comments
Cheryl Huebner
12/10/2019 10:54:04 am
As a teacher, I am in awe of the relationships my peer build with students and how that can make a huge difference in the child's effort, behavior, and feelings. However, I am also a parent and I am deeply thankful to the teachers that have connected with my own children. Thank you!
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Jenn DeLaRosa
12/11/2019 06:43:37 am
Thank you for sharing this: "Remember to put your heart into your lesson plans." I used to use only my brain and sometimes not my heart. It's so important to remember they are humans and not just a data number.
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Tonya Remick
3/24/2020 09:38:40 am
I like the expectations part. Making a separate plan for those who may be struggling is good as well. Catching them doing the right thing vs always looking for them to do something wrong.
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Michael Himlie
3/24/2020 11:31:29 am
As one who is not in the educational field by profession, & has spent many years out of the US, in some spaces where educators have a wealth of resources compared to US or Iowa standards, or in some places where educators have no resources at all, I would like to hear from others reading this article, their reactions to Shanna’s writing. Specifically, what helps you to build safe spaces in the classroom? As a society that values education though could value it more in my opinion, what resources would be helpful in creating safe space environments in the classroom? Would you say that the academic curriculum for us as educators is focused as much as it needs to be on the psychosocial well being of ourselves & the students we work with, or does this need to change? Or perhaps do other elements outside of our role as educators also need to change in order to confront the preventable mental disorder statistics that Shanna mentions above?
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Diana Morrow
3/24/2020 12:44:07 pm
I was very surprised by the teen suicide statistic. Wow! As a parent of a teen, I have felt very comfortable in talking with my teen’s teachers which is a true compliment to our school system. But on the flip side of this, teachers need to know that something they say or do, can also be very crushing to a kids spirit.
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Ashley Knox
3/24/2020 12:48:40 pm
I knew suicide rates have gone up over time, but to actually look at it as... "In a high school classroom, there are four students with a specific suicide plan and two students who have made a suicide attempt in the past year" ...It's quite terrifying! We need to take the time and do all that we can to be a positive in a child's life!
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Kim Underbakke
3/25/2020 05:44:56 am
This touched me . I had a cousin that killed himself his senior year of high school . He was struggling on the inside but on the outside you never would have guessed it . He was always so happy . I feel like building that relationship with your kids is so important it could save one of them . Thanks for sharing .
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Stephanie Radloff
3/25/2020 10:56:05 am
I really enjoy building relationships with the kids and getting to know them. My hope is that they can feel comfortable coming to me when they need someone to listen and that they feel safe.
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Pam Sullivan
3/25/2020 02:03:11 pm
Those statistics were horrible to see the increase, yet not surprising. I believe the world gets tougher and tougher for all us, look at what we're facing right now. Kindness, kindness, kindness, let's bring kindness back to our world. Having a brother that died by suicide using a gun,,, it is REAL.....and 40 years later a person still don't have the answers they're searching for.
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Laura Greve
3/25/2020 04:29:38 pm
I have two teenage sons in high school, that view the world in very different ways. One is more driven, goal oriented, and takes things sometimes way too serious. The other goes with the flow, only does what he has too, and usually is always smiling. We have learned through the years that what worked for one did not always work for the other, and we as parents had to make changes. Preschoolers are the same, we need to really get to know them to know their needs and how we can best fulfill their needs. I say preschoolers, (because I am a preschool para) but pertains to all students. Of course they all need the essentials love, respect, etc, but some need more.
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3/25/2020 05:49:01 pm
A long time ago when I worked with children in the church environment, a mentor and friend told me "the most important thing children need to know is that for the time they're here, they have a safe place". I have never forgotten those words and have tried to bring that thinking along to the school environment as a para. Feeling safe with adults at school is so important to children's mental health, as this article points out. We can't always control what happens to children outside the classroom, but we can make sure they know, no matter what, they are cared for, respected, and safe with our words and actions.
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Karen Westby
3/26/2020 08:59:38 am
I totally agree with you Lori, well said. As a Para, we are on the "frontlines" more than others. We build relationships at the start and have the opportunity to follow the students from year to year. We might be their one and only consistent, giving them a feeling of safety, belonging and hope.
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Audrey Fadness
3/25/2020 08:45:11 pm
As adults we need need to realize that one negative or positive comment can be taken to heart by a child. So be kind with your words. We have four kids and each one of them required a unique approach to match their personality. So get to know your students and be their cheerleader and love and encourage them!
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Laura Evelsizer
3/26/2020 05:46:32 am
Relationships, Responsibility, and Regulation. Powerful words that we all need to remember. Words impact us all in different ways, and it is a good reminder to think before you speak or post.
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Brittany Theismann
3/26/2020 05:49:43 am
I feel like making a relationship is so important for all kids and especially those that maybe don’t come from the best home life. I want them to know that they can come to me if they are feeling sad, hurt, or just want to talk. Those numbers are shocking. Hopefully by building relationships we can help that one child!
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Beth Wahlberg
3/26/2020 07:18:47 am
These statistics are so troubling, but definitely reflect what I have observed over the last 15 years at the middle school. We have so many students who struggle with anxiety and depression. I love that the library at DMS is a place where students can come when they are feeling overwhelmed.
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Sue Sander
3/26/2020 07:36:24 am
The concept of starting off the year and having the sit down talk with all classes for what the expectations are for the school is one that I feel needs to be done and have the same expectations across the whole building. We have rules and expectations but they seem to get forgotten or ignored by some staff and enforced by others and it becomes difficult as a Para to keep things going smoothly when you hear the comment, "Well Mr___ let's us do it".
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Jackie Harless
3/26/2020 07:41:01 am
Wow - those statistics are very sobering. I know during the mental health class we took, hearing those and even that children as young as 6 have committed suicide was just shocking to hear - and a real wake-up call to realize how very important a safe, loving environment at school can be to a child. In Proverbs it tells us "The tongue has the power of life and death." The stakes are high, and our words and actions can either heal or hurt - we need to be ever aware of this. Good reminder that we are in the relationship building business!!
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Chloe Stalberger
3/26/2020 07:53:55 am
The simple gesture of a smile or a hello in the hallway goes a long way. The idea of showing the kids you know they are there and you are happy to see them. Just saying "good job" or "awesome work" after the kid does something right. Even if that something is not that significant, it gives them the courage to keep going and to do better. Making the environment positive is key. The student might have had a really bad day in your class but at the end they show you they were paying attention the whole time. We need to make sure to respond in a positive matter to the little things as well as the big things. One positive comment can go a long way in our students minds.
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DeAnn Leeps
3/26/2020 08:03:39 am
Shocking statistics! We really need to to stop and remember the impact our actions have on the lives of our students. We need to make sure that they feel safe and wanted. We really don't have any idea what life is like for some of them outside of school.
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vanessa
3/26/2020 08:06:35 am
its sad to think of the students who have school as a safe place to not have that during this time school is not open...all the more reason to pay close attention to students as they return to school in the coming weeks
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Olivia Heier
3/26/2020 08:20:31 am
Coming from a family of 3 generations of educators I have seen first hand the positive effects adults can have on students. Having that caring relationship with students can make all the difference in both of their lives!
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Kathryn
3/26/2020 08:21:07 am
I was immediately drawn to this blog post's mention of the importance of storytelling. At a time when technology can often make us feel (perhaps ironically) disconnected, storytelling links us to each other and to the oral tradition that has long been a sustaining part of human life.
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Cheryl Cline
3/26/2020 08:39:34 am
The suicide rate is very eye opening to say the least. I really fear that these kids that need that special someone in their life (like many only get by teachers and staff in their life). How are they doing in these trying times? Without that chance to make a connection with an adult that will listen without judgement and get the help for those that need it. It is a trying time for adults, let alone for those stressed parents that don't realize that a child is going through their own stress.
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Denise Solberg
3/26/2020 08:43:23 am
Focusing on the "whole child" makes sense as a significant part of helping students grow into mentally healthy adults and life long learners. I try to make sure that I regularly pay attention to my body language and facial expression because they are such an important part of helping students feel comfortable and safe in the school setting.
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Dacia Schnuelle
3/26/2020 08:52:09 am
I feel these statistics are such an eye opener. It really makes me wonder how these kids are doing with out being at school during this time. We need to remember that even the smallest interactions with kids could mean so much to them.
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Kenan Willey
3/26/2020 09:00:10 am
Taking a genuine interest in a child and actively listening to what they have to say is huge. I have found that when a child knows you care they are more apt to consider your suggestions for improvement.
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Steve Nesteby
3/26/2020 09:11:41 am
It's very sad to think that we have this many kids that have these feelings. It makes me worried during this time of social distancing because they will rely on social media for connection and people can be very mean there.
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Stephanie Haugen
3/26/2020 09:21:03 am
This hits close - in a building I am in with a student. I always go out of my way to be sure I ask this student how was their night at home, what are his goals for that day, tell him he is a great person, he also, and I allow it, takes comfort in taking with him the med cup he used to take his meds with. It is the little things.
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3/26/2020 10:13:11 am
I am shocked to see the number of kids who have made a plan, or who have made an attempt at suicide. I think that we really need to listen to our kids and treat them with kindness. I am grateful for you sharing this.
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Susan Dugger
3/26/2020 10:23:23 am
The statistics are disheartening. I have 3 young adult children of my own. I recently heard in the news that these young people are considered to be part of the loneliest generation. I feel that many look to social media for validation, which often doesn't fill the void. It in fact could be making things much worse. When children know they have an adult at school or in their life that they can count on, it can truly make all the difference. In addition, I am hopeful that schools continue to recognize the need for additional mental health services.
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Nicolle Korsness
3/26/2020 10:41:25 am
"When educators foster safe, loving, and close relationships with students, kids are more open to learning" I love this! Thanks for sharing your insight! This was an excellent read!
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Kris
3/26/2020 10:46:10 am
Creating a safe place for our kids has always been a priority. I like to use personal anecdotes. Sharing stories regularly with the kids lets them know that we care about them and we're in this together.
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Judy Kemp
3/26/2020 11:49:14 am
What a great reminder how building relationships with our students is so critical. To be that person that they feel they can trust, and have a safe, loving and close relationship with.
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Maureen Hrdlicka
3/26/2020 12:12:10 pm
Powerful...
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Connie
3/26/2020 12:25:25 pm
These statistics are so sad. I had no idea that the numbers were that high. I hope that the students I work with feel safe and that I care about them.
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Connie Krueger
3/26/2020 12:51:59 pm
I like the part where it says "Relationships are the key to motivating students". I agree so much with that.
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Sue Lansing
3/26/2020 01:16:25 pm
These numbers are really eye opening! My fear is after all of the things that they will, and have given up, with our current state in the country, those numbers will increase. If I can help provide a safe and happy place for them to be when they are at school then I feel we are doing a good job.
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Mary Winger
3/26/2020 01:32:46 pm
I see students rushing from class to class, often looking troubled or sad. Then I wonder what my face says and try to remember to smile and say hi. Many students deal with difficult situations at home that affect them at school every day. This article gave great tools to help. I especially liked "learn how to construct positive comments by giving specific compliments."
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Robin
3/26/2020 02:26:53 pm
Putting your heart into everything you do. Kids need that. To be there and make a difference it doesn't take much. It is so important for kids and any person really to know that there is someone there for them. someone who is encouraging and supporting them. And how great is it that we are in the position to be there for our kids. To be someone who isn't related to them that wants to see them succeed. That is truly such an amazing thing!
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Tammie Willford
3/26/2020 06:01:35 pm
It is so sad to see the number of kids that have suicide plans and actual attempts. So when they say to form a positive relationship with students, this could help them talk with a teacher or just an adult that will take the time to listen and hopefully change their outlook and decisions in a moment or in life. It's never too late!
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Sharon Weselmann
3/26/2020 06:22:32 pm
For many students school is their safe place. Their personal life lacks structure and safety so it is important that I’m there for them. This means giving them my full attention so school continues to be a safe place for them to learn and grow.
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Paul Snell
3/26/2020 06:54:57 pm
The key more than any one aspect right now in schools is building relationships. If we build a positive relationship with a student or students, they are much more likely to trust what we are trying to teach them. I heard this once and this has stuck with me, "A student doesn't care how much you know until they know how much you care." As teachers, coaches, nurses, and support staff we will hold kids accountable and kids are going to make mistakes. If we show kids how much we care, and they know they can talk to us when they are having a rough day we have done a great job. We also can't forget to notice when they have done something very well.
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3/26/2020 11:13:45 pm
The most important thing in all of this is to build trust, and positive relationships and make school a safe place. Some times this is the only positive structure a student may have. Just show them that we care and want the best for them, so they will do their best.
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Deb
3/27/2020 07:08:58 am
I knew there were many struggling students but had no idea the numbers were that high. It is our responsibility to be there for them.
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Lynnette Borshiem
3/27/2020 08:15:00 am
I like the last quote, it's never too late to start building positive relationships. I recently watched the movie Freedom Writers. The students in that movie were set up for failure. They did not have a cheerleader behind them and knew that. Until one teacher came along who put all of her time, effort and patience into them and helped them succeed. If you haven't seen the movie at all or haven't seen it in a while, I encourage you to watch it. We never know what kind of extra baggage our students are bringing to School with them.
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Greg Murphy
3/27/2020 12:55:10 pm
Building a safe environment seems to be getting harder and harder to do in our society -- yet needed more than ever. Children need that security so they can concentrate on their studies and building relationships. It helps make learning more fun and something that will stay with them all of their lives. The rising suicide rates tell us more people don't have a good feeling about things working out. If we can implant feelings of security in school age children, it might be the difference between them taking their lives or not.
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Jaclyn Zidlicky
3/28/2020 02:23:17 pm
Crazy to see the statistics are rising but I am not surprise. This world we live in is not the greatest. There is no respect for anyone. all we can do is make a connection with our students and be there when they need us.
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Brooke
3/28/2020 03:38:45 pm
Just one more reason, connections matter! The statistics of suicide are not ok. It is so important to try to make a connection, create a relationship or safe space for that student while they are in your care. We cannot control what happens outside of school, but during the time they are with us we need to make sure they feel safe.
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Michaela Seeman
3/31/2020 07:12:03 am
The relationships we build with students are so important. I often get caught up in the rush of trying to squeeze everything in, and sometimes feel guilty for not getting to an activity or lesson because several students wanted my help in finding the right book to check out, so check out time took longer than usual. Thank you for the reminder of how important these times and relationships are with our students, and for sharing helpful tips on how to help these relationships grow!
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